Fashion Week Rant

As you may have seen from my rollercoaster of emotional over-sharing blog posts, self confidence has been a constant battle for me. Sometimes I'm like YEEEEESS, BODY POSITIVITY LOVE YOURSELF, but then it also varies to getting upset over my own reflection, and I feel like this is something that everyone goes through. 

This season at fashion week was a weird one. Being surrounded by beautiful people in equally beautiful clothes, living their best life doing a job they've worked hard to do full time, was a struggle to watch. Purely because I've put 4 years of my life into this blog and I feel like I haven't really accomplished much. Don't get me wrong, these girls work hard and put the effort in to produce amazing content regularly, and admittedly I've slacked so hard with this blog sometimes but I feel like I've missed the window of opportunity to ever be successful.

In my mind my lack of success is due to the fact I'm not attractive enough for this industry,  the work I'm putting out isn't good enough, my outfits aren't as stylish or vibrant as others, I'm just average, it's annoying because this is a mindset I've had for most of my life but fashion was the one thing that made me feel good, dressing up and wearing a full face of make up, but I feel like I don't really know who I am anymore.

It's really tough being in this mindset because my anxiety goes up 1000000% and just makes me want to lay in bed and not move at all. 

The other have of me also wants to throw myself into blogging and be super motivated and produce so much good stuff but it just never turns out how I imagine. 

And this was my entire thought process throughout fashion week, I felt awful about every outfit I wore, I just didn't feel as comfortable as I used to and like I didn't belong there. 

I'm so grateful for all of the opportunity this blog has given me though, and I'm sorry to anyone that reads this blog thinks that I am being ungrateful, but things get so hard when you're in a bad headspace and this blog is my safe space to vent all of my thoughts. 

Thanks for sticking with me and if anyones got any advice of how to get yourself back into a good spot it would be much appreciated! 

If you also haven't seen it, I did post a little vlog of the shows I went to at fashion week, click here if you want to give it a watch.