Wednesday, 8 November 2017

The Importance of Being Independent

Being independent is such an important issue to me, I feel I wouldn't have the same amount of confidence I do now if I wasn't. It took a long time for me to realise how dependant on other people I actually was.
I realised I needed to become independent when I was 19, I constantly looked for approval from pretty much anyone that showed me the slightest bit of interest and the thought of doing anything alone was the WORST. 
The day I wanted to regain my independence was a strange day, it felt like something had switched in me that was like "Why do you give a shit about what they think?" I suddenly couldn't understand why I needed validation to be whoever the heck I wanted to be? From people that definitely didn't have my best interest at heart either, and why was I so afraid of being alone? And as soon as I set myself the goal to start doing things alone it honestly changed my outlook on life. I started off just taking myself out on little dates, just to grab a bite to eat or even just going to the pub to grab a drink, I'd take my laptop too just so I'd have something to keep me occupied, and after I was comfortable doing that I took myself on road trips to new places and explored by myself, it's such a liberating feeling because you spend your day doing whatever YOU want, no one else around to slow you down or change the course of your day, you can just simply enjoy your own company. Once I managed to enjoy my own company everything else just followed - I became more confident because I only cared about my opinion of myself, I was so much happier because I didn't have to rely on anyone else to provide my happiness, and I found it made me a much stronger person going into a relationship as I didn't have that sense of approval I usually would've had. 
I honestly cannot stress how damaging it is to depend on someone for your happiness, as someone who's been there it will literally ruin you, whether that be a friend, a partner, even your parents, as they can't always be there to support you or hold you hand, you have to be able to support yourself and I have definitely had to learn all of this the hard way, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. So if you want to become more independent here are my personal key tips, everyone different but this 100% for me:
  • Start off small - go on walks, take yourself out for lunch & take a book you or magazine you've been longing to read, go out for a drive on your own.
  • Start to explore hobbies that can keep you entertained (like starting a blog).
  • Constantly remind yourself that it's YOUR life, don't let anyone else dictate it. 
  • If you are in a relationship suffering from dependancy issues just try and do more stuff without your partner, meet up with the girls, have some YOU time, obviously there's compromise in a relationship, but don't lose sight of any career/personal aspirations you may have (FYI it took me a solid 2 months to stop being so dependant on my boyfriend, just be patient and consistent).
  • Do things that make you feel good - my personal feel good things to do are listening to empowering music (a lot of beyonce and classic RnB) and dressing up for no particular reason.
  • Keep yourself busy - make plans (this does include plans to do nothing too), having plans or a schedule REALLY helps in feeling like you've got your shit together and keeps you motivated as you've got things to look forward too. 
This beautiful Cod Loin dish was from a little date I took myself on to Thomas's Cafe @ Burberry during LFW and it was incredible, you feel way less pressure ordering food when you're by yourself, there's no pressure or judgement! 

As soon as you start doing things for yourself that allow you to be whoever you want to be, everything else will fall into place. If anyone else has good tips for being independent, drop a comment below as I am always open to new ideas. 

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